Caution: A highly biased, opinionated, unprofessional and irrational post is coming your way.
Disclaimer: This post is based upon the majority of Indian movies, I know there are a few great exceptions, and I love them, but I’m talking about the majority for now.
Also, this post is based highly on my opinion, I do not in way state that Bollywood is bad or it’s inferior to Hollywood. Please, if you don’t agree with my thoughts, be calm and respond in a respective and civilized manner, don’t go berserk, this is my opinion and I would like to keep it that way.
When you think about Bollywood, you think about people dancing to weird songs, ridiculous storylines and absurd fighting scenes.
Bollywood is a huge industry, it’s worth billions of dollars.
The first Bollywood movie was “Raja Harishchandra”, it was black and white, it was silent and it was short.
Since then, Bollywood has evolved quite a lot.
But, Bollywood still needs to grow up, and here are seven reasons to prove that.
1. The storyline
I have to admit, love stories are the most clichéd storyline of Bollywood.
Why does this guy have to love this girl and their parents not agree with it? There are modern parents in India too!
I know DDLJ was a great movie, but reusing its concept again and again, over and over has become quite bland and boring, improvise guys!
Storylines are the most important part of a great movie, yet many movies go hit without a proper story.
Just cast a buff actor and make a scene where the hero is opening his shirt, revealing his six packs, climax ready!
2. Love is in the air!
Okay, fine. We can understand that you love love stories, but, let’s keep them where they’re supposed to be.
Why do you need to shove it in every movie?
Action, Thriller, Suspense, Comedy, it’s everywhere!
We have enough romance movies to satisfy our “love needs”.
Just give us pure action, pure suspense, pure stuff, why a blend of romance in everything!?
Love stories are sweet when they don’t interfere with the plot of the movie, only if movie makers understood this.
3. Out of context song sequences
Every Bollywood movie has a song in it. Every one of them.
Why? Just why?
Even if the song was required in the movie, it would make sense.
But they’re not even required most of the time.
Go and say “I love you” to that girl, why are you singing a song about it?
It’s awfully long. Please stop it.
4. I can teleport!
There’s this very annoying song playing. I’ll bear by it. But I’m bewildered by how absurd the video of the song is.
How? How can the guy and the girl teleport from one place to another while dancing?
“Look at me, I’m dancing on an island, next moment, I’m dancing in the streets of London, next moment, I’m dancing on a mountain.”
I’m just dancing all the way.
Dancing for the win, right?
5. The “superheroes”
I don’t even know what the guys at Bollywood were thinking when they decided to make superhero movies.
If you want to make movies containing tons of animation, you need to know how to do it.
Bad movie animation is the trademark of Indian superhero movies.
Whenever I watch Indian superheroes, all I have is a big sigh.
If you want to copy Hollywood, copy it smartly.
Superhuman strength and agility are ancient in the superhero world, if you want to make superheroes, you have to come up with a new concept. (I’m looking at you Krish.)
Copying Terminator, kudos to Bollywood. (Now I’m looking at you “Robot”.)
6. Absurd fight sequences
The main character is a power ranger double in Bollywood.
No matter how many people come, the protagonist can beat every one of them to a pulp.
What does he eat!? How in the world can an unarmed man take on twenty men with weapons?
A little exaggeration is okay, but Bollywood takes it to a whole new level.
Hit him what you may, he won’t budge at all.
There was even a scene where the main character threw a rose at a goon, which hit him so hard that he went flying away.
7. Women are not chicken!
Feminists, you might not like this line from a Bollywood song:
“Mai to tandoori murgi hu yaar, gatka le saiya alcohol se” (I’m a tandoori chicken, swallow me with alcohol).
A woman sings this line while doing an “item number” song.
I don’t know what the writer, the singer and the editor were thinking while writing this line.
And this is just one nugget of the many outrageous item number songs.
Those not familiar with item numbers, search “Bollywood item number” on YouTube, even if you don’t understand the lyrics, the video will be more than enough stupidity you can handle.
Best of luck!
A Final Note
Bollywood is an evolving industry, although it has a big collection of audio-visual stupidity, some Indian movies are actually really impressive and deserve what they’ve earned.
The face of Bollywood is changing rapidly and great movies are being produced.
Incredible movies are being made on pressing social issues: Corruption, Racism, Women Empowerment (quite contradictory, eh?) and much more.
But as I said before, Bollywood still needs to grow up. And I hope it does that quickly.
Featured image source: https://goo.gl/d90PmH